Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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