This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
