Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
