I swear she didn't look like that last week.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
