whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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