is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
