i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
