Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
