I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
