Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
