Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
