Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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