First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
