You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
