His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
