The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
