Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
