He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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