in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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