Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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