True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
