There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
