put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will be naked everywhere
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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