Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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