Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
