Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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