my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
