In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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