What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
