I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize