i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
