I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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