anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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