There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
