Are we in a gay sports bar?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
