Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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