If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
