There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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