i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
