I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
