i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
