Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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