I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
