I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
