what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
