i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
