Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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