so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
