i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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