im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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