the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
as a side note pls kill me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
