I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
