I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
