It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
