Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
