Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
