all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
