i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
