The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
