Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
