jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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