Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
