I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize