Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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