currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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