we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
