how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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