you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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