Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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