and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
