I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
