it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
