his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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