if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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