The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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