I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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