so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
