well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
