he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
