You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
