i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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