I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
