Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
