he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
