I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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