also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
