i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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